From the Lathe to the Meeting Table: The Invisible Layers of Listening
- Tunç Karaçay
- Feb 5
- 8 min read
You are in a meeting.
You are working in your office.
You bump into a colleague on the shuttle or after work.
Or you are simply in any given moment of life…
And someone initiates communication with you. And you listen.
It seems like a very ordinary moment, doesn't it?
But let us ask these questions about these "ordinary" moments:
How much are we really listening?
Or are we often just waiting for our turn to speak rather than truly listening?
Listening is often mistaken for merely hearing what is said. However, listening begins with the intention to understand not just what someone is saying, but why they are saying it.
But is intention alone enough?
While this intention is a vital starting point, possessing specific skills and techniques can be a lifesaver for effective listening. In our previous article on solution-oriented communication, we discussed active listening techniques. We frequently incorporate these techniques into both our training programs and consultancy processes.
In this article, however, we will treat listening not just as a communication skill, but as an attitude and a way of relating with roots extending into psychology and philosophy. By laying out the practical equivalents of this foundation in daily and professional life, we aim to bridge theory and practice.
From Therapy Rooms to Life Itself...
Let’s go back a bit. Let’s start by briefly mentioning Carl Rogers, one of the most influential representatives of the Humanistic Psychology approach that emerged in the 1950s and whose impact continues today. By addressing the concepts of "self" and "self-concept" in a groundbreaking way, Rogers did not only develop a therapeutic approach; he also shaped the very logic and core principles of active listening.
So, how can this listening approach born in therapy rooms hold meaning today in our offices, professional relationships, and even within our homes?
To pursue this question, it is better to look at things from the opposite perspective. Therefore, let’s first ask: Why do we resist listening? How can a communication that starts with good intentions turn into a conflict?
When we trace these questions, our path leads to Rogers’ approach centered on self-concept. Briefly put, according to Rogers, we all have a "picture" of ourselves in our minds. This image of who we are and what kind of person we are is built gradually from childhood through our experiences, relationships, and the feedback we receive. In today’s language, it’s like a "profile picture" we carry in our minds.
This is where the crucial point lies. According to Rogers, when we experience a situation that does not fit this internal picture, or when we face even the slightest criticism of this image, it is common to perceive the situation as a threat and feel discomfort. Our minds may shift from trying to understand the topic on the table to protecting the "self."
In such moments, defensiveness kicks in. Listening stops, understanding retreats, and communication becomes increasingly difficult. Often without even realizing it, this process brings conflict along with it. The issue is no longer "what we are talking about," but "how we are defending ourselves."
When we adapt this situation which Rogers highlighted for clients in therapy to daily life and work relationships, a very clear need emerges: First, the perceived threat to the self-concept must be removed.
What does this threat look like? In short, it looks like sentences directed straight at one's self-concept: "You are always like this." "You always do this wrong." "You should act like this."
Most of us are familiar with these expressions, which eliminate a safe and non-judgmental communication space from the very start. For listening to truly be possible, an environment is needed where the person does not feel forced to defend themselves.
Think about it: You are in an environment where you don't need to defend yourself. No threat. No judgment. Right at this point, the door to healthy expression opens. This threshold, where the need for defense disappears, creates a rare space where thoughts can emerge without being hidden and emotions can surface without being suppressed.
However, to pass through this door, the listener also has tasks to perform. These appear as looking at the total meaning of the message and responding to the feeling.
Looking at the Total Meaning
When we speak of the "total meaning" of a message, we must handle listening not on a single plane, but across multiple layers.
According to Rogers, a message always consists of more than one layer: the content and the underlying feeling or attitude. Active listening requires hearing all these layers together. In other words, it tries to understand not just what is said, but why it is said in that particular way.
Rogers explains this distinction with a simple but striking example from his own work. In a daily workplace scene, a lathe operator reports an adjustment he made to his foreman; however, the language used carries the meaning of the message to an entirely different place.
Let’s look at the same situation with two different modes of expression. The operator's response to the foreman might sometimes only convey the content of the work, while at other times, it carries the emotion that the work evoked in him.
First, after finishing the adjustment on the lathe, the operator comes to the foreman and says:
"I’ve finished the adjustment on the lathe."
The content is clear. The job is done. A new task might be expected. There is no apparent issue here.
However, the same content can take on a completely different meaning when expressed with a different tone. Imagine we hear the operator’s words like this:
"I finally finished the adjustment on that damn lathe!"
Now, at first glance, the content might seem the same: the lathe adjustment is finished. However, the meaning of the message is no longer just about the work performed. The tone, the choice of words, and the emphasis bring along exhaustion, frustration, or a suppressed resentment. The message conveys not just the "job is done" information to the foreman, but also the "this job exhausted me" feeling. At this point, how the listener responds determines the course of the relationship.
Suppose the foreman only says this in response:
"Good. You've completed it. Now move on to the other part."
In this hypothetical response, the content is addressed, but the entirety of the message has not been heard. In this case, does the operator really feel understood? Often in such moments, the person either retreats from expressing themselves or leans toward a harsher tone in the next communication.
Now, let’s consider a response where the foreman hears not just the content but the total meaning of the message:
"That machine really gave you a hard time, didn't it?"
Or:
"It looks like it was quite a struggle; I can see it on your face."
This approach does not try to solve the problem immediately. But it does something critical: it says, "I hear you." And being heard is often the prerequisite for a solution. A solution-oriented question like "What can we do to make this easier next time?" only becomes meaningful after this point.
This is exactly what it means to listen to the total meaning: Recognizing and making visible the emotion within the message without changing its content. According to Rogers, this small but sensitive difference makes the relationship safe. Because when a human being feels their emotion is noticed, they drop their guard, and true communication begins.
Responding to Feelings
Sometimes, it may be necessary to push the content completely to the background and only listen and respond to the emotion. This is because, in communication, the decisive factor is often the emotion behind the content. Let's return to the same example to clarify this.
This time, the operator says:
"I’d like to melt that lathe down into needles!"
You can feel the intensity in the sentence. Of course, no one seriously intends to melt a machine down to make needles. But the emotion is perfectly clear.
If the foreman responds only to the content here, the communication turns into something almost comical:
"What are you talking about! That’s a machine... You can't melt it for a needle."
What Rogers suggests is looking from a different place: What needs to be done is to take the feeling seriously, not the words.
"This job really frustrated you, clearly."
Or:
"It seems like it really got on your nerves."
This kind of response does not escalate the difficulty. Again, the problem doesn't have to be solved instantly. But it sends a powerful message: "I hear/see what you are feeling." And usually, after such a sentence, the tension drops. Because the person no longer feels the need to shout or exaggerate to explain themselves. Their emotion has been acknowledged.
From Lathe Workshops to Offices: The Common Language of Active Listening
We may not have lathes in our offices or homes. But similar sentences, similar tones, and similar emotions circulate there as well. The need for listening that Rogers described in therapy rooms manifests in these areas in a similar way. People want to be heard without judgment, to feel understood, and to speak without having to defend themselves.
However, at this point, in the corporate world, we sometimes prefer to suppress this need to avoid talking about emotions by labeling it under "professionalism." Yet, professionalism is not about ignoring emotion; it is about making emotion manageable. And this is only possible by treating listening not as a reflex, but as a conscious practice of relationship.
We have already covered active listening techniques such as reflecting, restating, and questioning in our previous article (Making Communication Solution-Oriented: Active Listening in Conflict Resolution). We wouldn't want to weary you with similar content here.
However, in this article, based on a need we frequently observe in our work, we wanted to look not just at how active listening is done, but from which psychological ground it is nourished. It is possible to study or even memorize these techniques. But what makes those techniques truly transformative is internalizing the thought behind them. Because using the words without knowing the essence often leads to using the right words in the wrong place.
Why does a person become defensive? What do they hear that makes them relax? When do they feel truly understood? The answers we give to these questions will take us out of a cycle of "techniques and methods" and lead us to "understanding" the background of active listening.
So, when was the last time you felt truly heard?
Or was there a moment when you noticed the emotion beyond the content while listening to someone else?
Thank you for reading our post! At Conflictus, we eagerly await your feedback and insights.
Tunç Karaçay
Conflictus Conflict Resolution Training and Consultancy
🔗 Learn more about our services: Conflictus Website: https://www.conflictus.co/en
📧 Contact us: info@conflictus.co
References
Kirschenbaum, H., & Jourdan, A. (2005). The current status of Carl Rogers and the person-centered approach. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 42(1), 37–51.
Mehrad, A. (2016). Mini literature review of self-concept. Journal of Educational, Health and Community Psychology, 5(2), 62–69.
Rogers, C. R., & Farson, R. E. (1987). Active listening. In R. G. Newman, M. A. Danzinger, & M. Cohen (Eds.), Communicating in business today (pp. 149–154). D.C. Heath & Company.
Ismail, N. A. H., & Tekke, M. (2015). Rediscovering Rogers’s self theory and personality. Journal of Educational, Health and Community Psychology, 4(3), 28–36.
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